blushingnarcissism

i feel like i am coming apart i have a need to solidify myself by a prominent showing of interest i am meat on display pick one and devour raw, wet and bloody. it makes a sound. like sloshing pudding around in your mouth. noise only you can hear. like voices in your head. my breathing is an alien sound. in through my lungs out through your mouth. something like the fact that every secret that you've ever had is washed from your body in piss. when left unattended my nerve endings want to explore your nerve endings pound for pound until only the blood under your finger nails is left i am awashed. bathed in the scent of f

A Guide To Self Destruction Through Starvation As Practiced By The Writer Numer One: Depression is good. Emotionally shutting yourself down...even better. Number Two: If you don't already, learn to like coffee. It surpresses the apetite. Number Three: Stock up on Nighttime meds. Asprins and Nyquil make for good excuses. You can't feel hungry if you aren't awake. Plus, you are going to get a lot of headaches Number Four: Rice and broth of beans. It's okay. That's what certain monks eat while fasting. Number Five: Keep bottle water by your bedside. You will be needing it. Number Six: If you feel that gnaw. Tea is your friend. Think abou

it is only fun for the first---my muscles are weaker i hate the sticky caress of glossy photopaper like the vaneer of wet of nail polish fumbling through too many layers of clothes fumbling around for that smell of perfume and cigarettes and softer skin making my hands curl around the lighter my body does not wish to embrace anything that isn't attached to you i'm cutting my milk teeth on your swelling of breast i nursed myself for weeks growing stronger, breathing harder, with only your embrace to fall from candles are lit a-lighting all of your beauty with shadows guarding against the world and all of its presence stronger is t

that must be the worst part about it all. what i want from her. i want her to hate me. but she couldn't do it. she couldn't do it even if she tried. and in the end. all it would do is serve the purspose of making me feel better. still, i am just so selfish. she still speaks to me like nothing happened. like i was never running blind. like i never hurt her. like i never found out. like i never made her cry. i thought something would change something. anything. i expected it even. but nothing happened. everything moves the same speed as it always did. not even i am any different i just know a little bit more than before i th

What if she can sense these ugly thoughts? I have been sitting in the coffee shop for over an hour. Nursing my now cold cup of coffee. I have been staring across the room at a person I see here quite regularly, but never had the guts to talk to. The girl brings her laptop everytime and tends to be obscured by the screen, but I never care. everyonce and awhile. I'll get a peek. even if it just a wisp of hair or a hand wrapping around her glass. today though. there is no laptop just a CD player and oversized headphones. for the most part. she doesn't seem to notice that someone who had just spent five hours analyzing hard-core French erotica

it's hot. and despite the heat. we are sitting outside the nice air conditioned coin laundry, wearing pants and long sleeve shirts, just because the atmosphere inside the building reeked of desperation. as if people's misery just soaked the the walls to seep out and hang in the air. i wish my popcicle was a better flavour. all they had left was banana and lemon. two cheery summery colours wasted on two dour looking people. since we bought popcicles, we are going to have to haul our laundry back to the apartment, soaking wet and hang it in the bathroom to dry. it'll be a long boring afternoon seeing how dry we can get our wash with a blow drye

i awoke to the presence of you. in a boat. despite the fact, that this is not normal. i don't question it. how did it get here like this? the sky is blue. my lungs feel wet even though my throat feels raw and dry. this wasn't..this. yesterday. i woke up to tea and black shoes and whether or not to walk to morning classes. you had work and dinner out and then we were going to go shopping. how did it end with tears and screaming and you climbing out of a window? it was simple and not suppose to end with us waking up in a boat? nevermind that you have a hickey the size of a bottle cap on your neck. one moment there is silence. the next momen

i am unmoved...like pebbles in a fish belly. i am naked...like bread crumbs on the grass i am unfeeling...like so many snakes during winter i am unknowning...like sleepy children before a bath i am unkind...like the sudden rain you get caught in i am unclean...like nude figures loathing their reflections in the mirror i am flushed...like dead birds by the road side i am dishonest...like cracks in the river i am ungrateful...like butter melting over warm pasta i am frightend...like a marching trail of ants i am damaged..like rolling hills of water i am deceitful...like mounds of cotton candy between your fingers i am guilty...like

"your lips. they are like a rare wine. you skin is like silk warmed by my hands." oh, please. don't you have any new shit to sell? moths are good. moths are good. moths are good. i'm an open flame, so even better. but i stopped to listen exactly four minutes ago. *beep* i beg you i urge you i plead you i usurp you with a jack knife and rubbing alcohol. my nail split say you're sorry say you'll stop saying my name like it means 'bitchism.' form vs function who'll be ther winner? oooh...K.O.! knock down. drag out. bite your thumb at me. my horror is your horror is the horror is their horror is my horror is your horror is th

captive. captive. captive. captivating. shut up. longjohnssilkslipsandbuckled shoes that means there will be hell to pay tomorrow you can't have the midwinter blues it is always the middle of summer some place better i eat mud i eat mud i eat mud i eat mud no, it doesn't taste like chicken melt the wax onto the paper that's because tears really don't show up i think i might just fancy you so everything after that is my fault lipstick! porcelains dicks! things that go hump in the night! i want to make it up to you for all the time i can't be there while your cells die and age no-no-no-no-no-no-no not that itch. the other i